Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
