I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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