Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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