turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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