Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
