remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
