Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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