Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
