It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
sex in a hospital.. check
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize