he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
