I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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