I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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