Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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