question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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