I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
