I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
it's great music for shaving your balls
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
