I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
