Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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