If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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