I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
