Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I love how my cats smell like pot.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
