the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
