Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
