I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
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