they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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