Why are handjobs necessary in class?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
