i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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