Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
