you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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