I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize