I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
