I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I just gift wrapped bread.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
