how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
