ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
