Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
