I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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