I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
