Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
