so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
