Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
