if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
