She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize