i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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