in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
