I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
