I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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