We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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