my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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