I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
