OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
2020 sucks, I want a refund
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
