then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
