i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Randomize
