Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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