Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
