I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
