I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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