____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
