i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize