So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
