The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
