You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
