I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
