He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
