something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
My dad just said "fuck circus"
It's no shave November. This is our time.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
