Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
