Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize