That's when you crack a 10am beer
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
