her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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