This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
