she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
