I can tuck mytits in my pants
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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