I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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