I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
