How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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