I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
