just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
