Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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