Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
