Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
this is an emotional support booty call
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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