I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
